Writing is Freaking Me Out

I’m writing, and it’s freaking me out. I’ve spent so many years working on this novel. And then so many months this year, reworking the plot and thinking through every angle. And editing the crap out of the new Chapter 1 to make sure I don’t make mistakes throughout. And now I’m finally really diving into rewriting this novel, and it’s happening and flowing, not easily but in a way that I approve of and it’s terrifying and exhilarating me.

Yesterday, I was really happy with the words I wrote, though slowly. Today, I feel like the pacing is too slow. Lots of words, but dragging things out to get to the point. But I’m not going to worry about it. Just get it out. I can always tighten up later right? (Did I mention I hate editing my own stuff?)

It’s cool though, I’m making progress and I’m moving forward, each day a little more. I was at the immersive Van Gogh exhibit last week with a writer friend and one of the quotes was about how sketches are seeds from which a painting grows, and I was like, aha! My plotting are seeds from which I’ll write words and add color!

It made me feel so much better, because the plotting, at least for me, is crucial–and yet you don’t feel like you’re moving anywhere, which is frustrating for someone who has high Achiever strengths.

My more recent goal was to finish this first novel by Halloween. However, I have a better understanding of how many hours I’m getting in per week, and my pace, and so I entered it all in to pacemaker.press — a great site for those looking to calculate how long it will take to finish your novel, and I’ve come to realize Thanksgiving seems more realistic now. It’s still aggressive, but I think doable. Pray for me, haha.

According to my current goal of 86,500 words in 64 days, I’m at about 6% complete right now. And then once I get there I’ll have to edit at some point. Ughhh. We’ll get there when we get there. My current mantra I keep repeating to myself, “Progress not perfection.”

Yesterday, I heard about the new “ultra white” paint, which I researched heavily and have already worked in to the story about my green roof architect.

Today I looked up how to format text messages in your novel. It is hard to make it aesthetically appealing and have easy readability.

I also accidentally found out that “edging” has a double entendre and so definitely used it as such. ?

In non-writing news, I dyed my hair red this week, so that was fun, and makes me feel like I have extra fire ? to make things happen!

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